The VelociPastor (2018) Review
After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil – and ninjas.
Director Brendan Steere, who also wrote and edited, readily plays up to his lack of budget, using his financial shortcomings as a reason for onscreen laughs. For example, when the priest’s parents are killed by their car exploding nearby, a caption appears onscreen to advise that there’s an effects shot missing. It gets a laugh, as does the daft dinosaur costume, and initially The VelociPastor looked like it was shaping up to be a laugh riot.
However, a stream of reasonable jokes is fine if the funny stuff has something substantial to hang off. With only a wafer-thin plot and lack of characterisation to play off against, the jokes begin to fall flat. The actors are obviously in on the joke and play it agreeably straight, but moments where the evil guys throw back their heads and laugh manically for an age merely reminds you that comedies like the Austin Powers movies did this sort of thing so much better.
The Velicipastor is a feature-length adaptation of the same director’s own 2011 grind-house trailer. At just under an hour-and-a-quarter’s worth of running time Steere has certainly bulked out the concept but in the process diluted the potential. His film does have some choice moments but even at just seventy-three minutes it feels strained. Around the halfway point my enthusiasm was beginning to fade and it was purely the opportunity to ogle lead actor Gregory James Cohan in his white vest (and sometimes less) that kept me watching.